Where did she come from??

My wonderful daughter...I have no idea which gene pool she is from, because as the days go by, I realize she is less and less like me!! Which in some cases is good because she didn't inherit my flaws and shortcomings, but on the other hand, she can drive me crazy at the same time!
There are times I watch her and I see so much of myself in her, like the way she can hold a grudge for up to three years, like the way she will still remind me about the time I wouldn't let her get a toy she wanted because she and her brother were misbehaving in a store, and how it was "all Colin's fault". Or the way she will do ANYTHING for her friends, like the way she will go onto the playground at school after I have told her not to because her "best friend" has told her to go. But mostly, I see myself in her when she is so afraid to try something new because she is afraid she won't be good at it. These are the times that I know she has definitely inherited my "all or nothin" attitude.
But even though she has these similarities with me, she most certainly has so many qualities that aren't me. Her girly attitude is not mine. Nothing is or ever has been more comfortable to me then sweats and a t-shirt, but yet she will do anything to wear a skirt or dress every day just so she can look like a "supermodel" (which is what she wants to be when she grows up). Or the way she is so DAMN smart that she just gets things. I have to look at something and practically have it drilled into my head in order for me to get it, only to forget in ten minutes! But lastly, her self confidence about the things she knows is so overwhelmingly high, that it makes me wish she never looses it. For example, yesterday we were walking into the grocery store and I realized I forgot to put in one of her ponytails that had fallen out. So I said to her "Oh hunny, I forgot to put in your ponytail" and her reply to me was so natural when she said "It's o.k. mama, I am still beautiful!!" It was after that remark that inspired this blog.
As a mother, there are a lot of things that I hope for my daughter. I hope she will always be happy, that a boy never breaks her heart, and that she will always feel comfortable enough to come to me about anything, but mostly I just hope that she will never change, because I can't imagine loving her more than I do!

Child Care

Who would have thought that those two words could take on a thousand different emotions? That those two little words could have a mom is such a state of nervousness that she sits at work, feeling the previous meal coming up, and just trying to write in her blog!! That would describe the way I feel right now, sitting at work, at 2:00 a.m.
Let me start from the beginning....This seems to be the start of many blogs for me. Since I work nights, I have to find "Child Care" that will come to me. This is convenient yes, but I have learned can be hard. This is when a mom really has to try to use her best judge of character in order to find a sitter, or she has to have really good friends who are willing and able to help her out. Unfortunately, I have to pick the first because my friends either can't (for reasons I can't get into because I have finally let them go) or they live too far away.
I was forced to hire someone that I found very nice upon the first meeting. She was 32 years old, lots of experience and lots of references. I was so grateful that I was able to find someone like this. What I didn't realize was that some people make a terrible first impression but end up being unbelievable, and other make a great first impression, but end up being monsters!! I am now employing a monster.
Like I said, she was great at first, the kids loved her, I loved her, she was very flexible, and really seemed to like what she was doing. The a few months passed, and things started going wrong. I would ask her not to do something, and she would still do it, and when I asked her again not to do it, she would get mad at me for even asking her to stop, as if she never had any plans of stopping in the first place. Also, and I feel most importantly, another thing that bothers me is the way she talks to my children. Now I am a pretty easy going parent, but I draw the line at someone telling my child that if they ever wake her up in the middle of the night again, then she would "F**king Smack" her. But, this is a topic that I won't even start with, because then I won't stop.
I guess there is a happy ending to this story, this monster will no longer be torturing my children, and I will finally be able to go to work, and not worry about how my children are, I will finally know that they are o.k.

"I told you so!"

Well, this post starts out on a negative feel, and basically that is what it is all about. One never knows how much four little words can bother a person, until they hear it a few too many times. Now I know in my lifetime, I have made some "silly" decisions, some may even call them huge mistakes, but I have always learned from them. That is what I feel is the bonus about it, that we learn from the decisions we make, and go on in our lives. But it is especially hard when you know, there will be that one person who will continually say "I told you so" when you are making what could be a monumentally bad decision.
Here is the basic reason for all this ranting and raving. I recently decided that since my finances are a fiasco, I needed to get a roommate. Now, for some it may be easy, but for me there are a lot of channels I need to go through to get this done. I won't go through everything, but lets just say before I even asked anyone to move in with me, I had about two weeks of phone calls, meetings and practically begging in order for this to come about. So, I finally get the green light, and I find a roommate. Everything is looking good, and it looks like I may be on my way to finantial happiness.
But, of course, in typical Megan fashion, things begin to fall through. Now I am not upset about the roommate not becoming my roommate, what I am upset about is all the "I told you so"'s I will be receiving. It just drives me crazy.
I am 30 years old, for Gods sake, and I think that although I may do things that people may not agree with, I have thought them out and weighed the negatives and positives before coming to any decision. I no longer fly by the seat of my pants when it comes to life altering decisions, becoming a mother certainly changed all that for me. But, people in my life like to think that I cannot think for myself and that I don't think things through and that I am bound to screw up my life. The ironic thing is that these are the same people that are telling me that I have to do things for myself!!
Ahhh...Well that felt good and I did not mention any names (and trust me, nobody will ever be able to figure out who I am speaking of), but I just needed to put all the thoughts in my head into my giant cauldron and just let them go!

The Big Win!!

I am a person that never wins. I scratch tickets every now and then, and only one out of 100 times, I win, and usually win $2.00! I will always buy raffle tickets, or any other kind of chance that people are selling, but I still will never have the winning ticket. In fact, on a recent scrapbooking weekend, there were about 500 chances to win, and even though just about every person I was with won something, my name was never called. But all that changed yesterday morning.
I was on my way home from work, and in such a daze that that the radio was just a buzz that was blending into the sound of the engine. At a red light, a point in my driving I was forced to pay attention, I heard the D.J. announce that the "mega-mix" was coming up and the "25th caller would win tickets to summer jam" (a concert being held by the radio station". So I grabbed my phone and decieded that would be an easy way to keep me from falling asleep, and waited...all the time figuring that I would never win.
Well, then the mix came on...I dialed the number...and it started to ring (now two or three years ago this would be a good sign, but now the phone always rings, but an annoying recording comes and says that all circuts are busy)...and after the third ring, there was no recording, and somebody picked up. Well, needless to say, I didn't know what to say because it was not what I was expecting. I started to yell like a crazy person, and I was told that I may not be the winner, but to hold on the line, and NO SWEARING!! So I waited, and waited and waited until I heard the D.J. say "Megan, your the winner!!". I couldn't belive it I was the THE BIG WINNER!!
The funniest part about it was that Brandy heard the whole thing as it was happening. She called and said "I knew I recognized that voice!"
Needless to say, it set the mood for the rest of the day, and started the week off right, and lord knows I am in desperate need for a good week!
Well, June 4th is the big day, and I can't wait. Even if the concert sucks, at least I didn't have to pay for the tickets!

End of the Semester

Well, my wonderful semester is finally wrapping up, and I am thrilled. No more word problems, and no more stressing over what region has the most oil production. This semester, actually this year, has really sucked. I was so excited to come to this school because it was a "real" school and I was ready to learn. But the further I got through the semester, the more I realized I had so much to learn in such a short period of time.
Let me back track a little. When I was at Bunker Hill, a local community collage, I knew all my professors because there were only 4 who taught in the ECE (early childhood education)program. They were all very understanding to my situation, and were more then happy to help me if I needed it. I walked out of that school with my degree and a gpa of 3.0--which was better than I ever did in high school!! Also, I came to know a lot of people, because almost all of my classes had to do with ECE, so there was a group of about 20 of us who were always in the same class. It made class so much easier when you were familiar with everyone, and not just a bunch of strangers who sat around before class and stared at each other!!
Fast forward to Salem State. O.k. So the student body is A LOT younger (look at previous post), but that's ok, I can deal with it. The work is harder (I think I am the only one in both classes that has any kids or any stress for that matter), and the professors are less understanding. For example, when I told on of my professors last semester that I couldn't make it to a certain class when there was a test due to child care problems (this was two weeks prior, mind you), he gave me a day to make up the test, which was of course a day that I couldn't make it (C.C.P.'s) and he said that is the only day I could and if I didn't make it, I would get a zero on the test!!!! So after lots of juggling, and telling a lie to get out of work, I made it up. Now I know he didn't have to even do that for me, but c'mon, I am one of the only ones in that class that actually participates..everyone else is either sleeping, talking on cell phones, or talking.
I definitely didn't expect it to be like Bunker Hill, I knew that it would be harder, classes would be bigger, and professors less understanding, but I had no idea that it would be like this. The one thing that keeps me going this semester is the start of next year, I will actually be taking classes that have to do with my major!! That is my area of confidence and the place that I feel o.k.
All I can do now is just finish up my work (I just printed out my last extra credit project) and hope that September will come all will be right in my world....Well, at least not as bad as this year!!!