Friends for life

Well, I guess this blog is inspired by the passing of my friend Brian. He was 25 years old, and I have known him for almost 8 years. His death was unexpected, and very heartbreaking and really took a toll on me. It also didn't hit me until I saw all the people it affected. I am still in shock because of it, and it still doesn't seem completely real.

I am a person that lives by the saying "everything happens for a reason". Although I am not sure yet what the reason is yet, I am sure what his death is making me realize...life is short. The choices I make, the people who I choose to call friends, and my way of looking at things has changed drastically in just a few short weeks. One decision in particular has really been made for me with his passing and I am taking every step necessary to ensure it becomes real.

Now, here is where the friends come in. I have always been a person who has about three or four close friends, and a lot of friends (not as close). I will do anything for my friends, even if means neglecting my needs to make sure theirs are met, after all, isn't that what friendship is about? What I am realizing is that some of my "close" friends are just in this friendship for themselves, and really aren't there for my needs, only theirs. The other thing that I have come to realize is that these seem to be the kind of friends who I gravitate towards. I am not sure if it is because I am a caretaker to the extreme or if it because I am a sucker who has a "use me" sign on my forehead, or if it is because I am too scared to have no friends so I do what I have to keep the ones I have. Either way, I am now making the steps in my life to change that. At the point I am FINALLY at in my life, I would rather have no friends, than have ones that don't reciprocate what I am giving them.

I am no longer going to put my life, family, job, ect. on hold for petty bulls**t just because a "friend" in my life needs me. I have to start remembering the main thing (I feel) Brian forgot....I need to be o.k. with me or else I am useless to anyone else.