Crying

I hate to cry...Who doesn't? My eyes get red, my cheeks get blotchy, my nose gets stuffy and for some strange reason, my upper lip gets swollen. I guess that crying is a spiritual experience for me! It is probably the reason that I won't do it in front of people, I will do it alone or when I am on the phone with someone, that way they won't see me. Sounds very egotistical, I know, but just chalk it up to one of my issues I need to work on.

Well, this week I think I have cried more that I have in my entire life, and quite frankly I am sick of it. I have had one of my many recent "breakdowns" which consist of my basically hyperventalating and in the fetal position on the floor..Its really a good time!! As a result of that I had another breakdown in front of someone, and then another on the phone with someone. Now this was all in one day, and I thought it was done, but I was wrong, because I spent about the whole day yesterday, and half the day today crying about basically the same thing!! It really makes me ask myself "what the hell is wrong with me!!"

Well, after all of this, and me wanting to rip my eyes out of my head because they hurt so much, I have decided this, I have to just let go. After all that's all I can do, and it is what is going to help me sleep at night....Hopefully!